Never Too Old To Learn New Tricks

So tonight instead of circle we celebrated our youngest daughter birthday eve with the girls. One friend said, "At our house we celebrate the eve's of birthdays." And a new tradition was born. I also learned a few new tricks, some cool keyboard shortcuts to use on my shiney new laptop. You see, I am not kidding when I tell you that I am electronically challenged. Technology used to scare me out of my mind. Sometimes today I can still hear my ex-husband screaming at me when I was trying to use the computer for the very first time. His screams would make me freeze, terrified that I would make a huge mistake by touching the wrong key. Much like my 3rd grade teacher who would yell at a "dyslexic left handed me" while I was leaning over my desk wishing to flee from the embarrassment she dished out daily. Bottom line; I stopped feeling school was a safe please to escape from the hell that was my home life. I think I closed down a lot too. Learning something new has always brought with it great anxiety. At first tonight I felt uncomfortable again (embarrassed) but then something wonderful happened. We started laughing. All of us and it felt really great. It brought deeper healing within my inner child or damaged adult. I realized that gone was the little girl who hated to try replaced with a woman who was excited to learn something new again. I wanted to know more. So I asked more questions. Wow, I have overcome so much in my life. I know that I am stronger, happier and wiser now. I am at last safe and sound. Loved and surrounded by the most amazing people. They are gentle, kind and talented. And I am so incredibly grateful for the gifts.

It's All About the Balance

So here I am taking the one day at a time approach in creating positive changes in my body, mind and spirit. Eating like a tree is not as easy as you would think. Though I am eating much healthier. I am happy knowing that I am more awake and aware these days of my daily intake. Taking notice sooner of "old pattern's" the quicker I can steady my course.
Daily exercising is tough. Especially when your body hurts everyday. What I want to do and what I can do are not always the same. But I am busy practicing acceptance and loving my body anyway. My body is not my enemy. It is my temple. It has suffered years of abuse and damage. I can envision healing it, easing the pain and filling myself with light from the inside out.
But where it comes to setting healthier personal boundaries, with people who are "clueless' of how their negative energy and actions effect hyper "sensitive" people I am seeing the most results. I AM protecting myself- my energy better. I no longer am the abused child, beaten wife, or victim. I am a empowered survivor. I feel so much better when I am standing in my truth. Saying what I mean. Meaning what I say. Not waiting until the wind is going to "blow' but doing so way before the breeze turns fierce. (( =
I think it is rather funny that I lived for 46 years before I learned that it is okay for the human part of me to be angry at being trespassed against. To express it in a healthy manner is OK. Whew, what a relief that turned out to be. Without guilt. Shame or blame. It is what it is....perfectly normal. It makes me wonder what else I may have overlooked that may be holding me back. I am certain more will be revealed.