It's Not What Your Eating....It's What's Eating You!

So now that I am dealing with all the emotional parts of weight loss, I realize just how much was buried over the years when I wasn't paying attention during the weight gain. Things aka emotions that I had"stuffed" away. I also discovered that "stuff" unresolved....over the years, will eat away at you! Bit by bit, it stores as fat and then manifests as pain within the body. A numbness or loneliness in the Spirit. What a WOW moment that was for me. I am learning how to ask for what I want and need. Without assuming others "already or should know." They aren't psychic. Not everyone see, and hears like I do. So now I must be clear with my words. Speak my truth, And then feel worthy of receiving. No, not at all easy to making all of these changes all at once. But one day at a time, step by step I am getting it. I am stepping out of the roll of victim. Choosing much more to be the survivor. I am comfortable at being a leader too. Someone said to me yesterday, how brave I am. I actually felt....proud of myself. Being proud isn't an EGO thing. It is about liking myself or an accomplishment and allowing myself to feel good about it inside and out. I can take compliments easier today when up until recently I would shy away from them. Now I just smile and just say Thank You. Many of my "tribe" have been kind and supportive. While others surprised me at how they just "stepped away." Choose to not be around much, never talk about it. I understand "it" is pretty intense....real. No walls, or hiding for me anymore. I am out, exposed, becoming more confident and being true to myself. Someone else recently said: (with a face of disgust) why would you do something like this to yourself? Without missing a beat I said: because I love myself enough to take better care of my own needs. Stop putting EVERYTHING and EVERYONE ahead of them. I am finding my JOY.
She didn't say anything and I haven't seen her since! Hey, I KNOW it has nothing to do with me...how others feel about my lap band. And I also know, that what other people think of me is none of my business! lol What is most important is how I feel about me, my choices and what I am eating. I am not letting emotional issues go unattended. I feel it, deal with it and move on from it. Just keep walking, swimming, dancing and singing! And living my life out loud. Authentic and happy to be alive again. Which BTW means: MY BODY IS ALMOST PAIN FREE BABY!