So I struggled for the last few weeks about being "out and honest" with my friends, clients and parishioner's about what I am going through right now. Being a public figure working within the community is sort of like living in a fish bowl with audio. My most private, embarrassing moment's, as well as the wonderful achievements always play out on the public view, the "stage"of life. Absolutely everyone at one time or another judges me and my choices. But make no mistake about it: I judge myself as well. It used to crush me....one day I was up, the next I had a target on my back. People are funny like that. Some will hit you when you are up, others when you are down. Like the song goes: people just LOVE dirty laundry. (love that song)
12 months ago I adopted my new and healthy motto: "What other people think about me is NONE of my business!" And it really helped me grow a lot. The book The 4 Agreements was another tool that helped me develop a thicker skin in the public work I do. I have struggled with a body that doesn't always do what I want it too do. Not because my mind "didn't want it too" but stemming more from years of abusing it with medications including high doses of steroids for a back injury cause me to gain more and more weight. Car accidents left damage that overtime has been like my spine is playing domino's. I have been on so many different types of "crap" that I was suffering side effects which also cause a weakened immune system. Years of this morphed into becoming super hyper sensitive to those same meds Drs all wanted me to take. Last Ortho check, I was refereed to a Pain Management Clinic for injections into my spine. Spirit NEVER allowed me to make or keep that appt I kept hearing NO loud and clear. I let my weight keep me from flying to NYC and doing a Discovery Chanel Documentary about Mediumship, I told "*gasp* Harpo Studios NO because I didn't like what I looked like on camera. So I was suffering physically, emotionally and professionally. I knew something had to give. I couldn't keep doing the same thing and expect a different results. I also was becoming more and more down loosing my quality of life as I gained more weight from the inability to exercise. I used to bike, ride horses, hike, body sculpt, and DANCE. None of those things were possible anymore. Long term pain....can be debilitating to a Spirit. My energy levels became a struggle to manage. However, I loved channeling healing energy for others. I honestly believe that without doing it, I might have never made it through. I know that we all help each other. I teach that it is impossible to channel energy without it filling you first! I still strongly believe this today. Love and God can heal everything!
Then I was put on insulin a year ago. I was so upset. Now I had even more meds to take. More unbalance my body needed to overcome. It was hard giving myself injections every night. It never really was completely controlled. By diet or otherwise. Nothing would work without EXERCISE! But all Ortho Drs said NO EXERCISE! A not nice MIND GAME hamster wheel I let them put me on for several years. Around Dec 2009 my Dr refereed me to a friend of hers. She told me that I should go to this meeting at RGH. Said, "Robin, Merry Christmas... please DO NOT miss it." So I went. I met my awesome Dr that very same night. I found out at the standing room only seminar her "friend" was a Bariatric Surgen. He sought me out after his presentation and said, "Robin if you choose to do this, I promise to take good care of you and he has. I called the office which has a 3 month waiting list Jan 3 and someone had canceled an apointment the following day. I took it. I have been in "boot camp" ever since. Head to toe, in and out I have been tested and retested. I have under gone training and more. It has been a fierce year of prep work. My insurance company approved it all. I became a well educated patient. I asked tons of questions, even met clients in the waiting room....almost everytime I went, someone said: Pastor Robin is that you? lol The health risks are high for anyone over weight, but on all the meds too? Way worse. You may never choose something like this or maybe you might but it is NOT the easy way out. It has been by far the hardest thing I have ever done for myself! And this is just the very begining! Sometimes those you think will be supportive are not. They told me horror stories just days before my surgery to "trip me up". Reminding me that I had to do this FOR ME!
12 months ago I adopted my new and healthy motto: "What other people think about me is NONE of my business!" And it really helped me grow a lot. The book The 4 Agreements was another tool that helped me develop a thicker skin in the public work I do. I have struggled with a body that doesn't always do what I want it too do. Not because my mind "didn't want it too" but stemming more from years of abusing it with medications including high doses of steroids for a back injury cause me to gain more and more weight. Car accidents left damage that overtime has been like my spine is playing domino's. I have been on so many different types of "crap" that I was suffering side effects which also cause a weakened immune system. Years of this morphed into becoming super hyper sensitive to those same meds Drs all wanted me to take. Last Ortho check, I was refereed to a Pain Management Clinic for injections into my spine. Spirit NEVER allowed me to make or keep that appt I kept hearing NO loud and clear. I let my weight keep me from flying to NYC and doing a Discovery Chanel Documentary about Mediumship, I told "*gasp* Harpo Studios NO because I didn't like what I looked like on camera. So I was suffering physically, emotionally and professionally. I knew something had to give. I couldn't keep doing the same thing and expect a different results. I also was becoming more and more down loosing my quality of life as I gained more weight from the inability to exercise. I used to bike, ride horses, hike, body sculpt, and DANCE. None of those things were possible anymore. Long term pain....can be debilitating to a Spirit. My energy levels became a struggle to manage. However, I loved channeling healing energy for others. I honestly believe that without doing it, I might have never made it through. I know that we all help each other. I teach that it is impossible to channel energy without it filling you first! I still strongly believe this today. Love and God can heal everything!
Then I was put on insulin a year ago. I was so upset. Now I had even more meds to take. More unbalance my body needed to overcome. It was hard giving myself injections every night. It never really was completely controlled. By diet or otherwise. Nothing would work without EXERCISE! But all Ortho Drs said NO EXERCISE! A not nice MIND GAME hamster wheel I let them put me on for several years. Around Dec 2009 my Dr refereed me to a friend of hers. She told me that I should go to this meeting at RGH. Said, "Robin, Merry Christmas... please DO NOT miss it." So I went. I met my awesome Dr that very same night. I found out at the standing room only seminar her "friend" was a Bariatric Surgen. He sought me out after his presentation and said, "Robin if you choose to do this, I promise to take good care of you and he has. I called the office which has a 3 month waiting list Jan 3 and someone had canceled an apointment the following day. I took it. I have been in "boot camp" ever since. Head to toe, in and out I have been tested and retested. I have under gone training and more. It has been a fierce year of prep work. My insurance company approved it all. I became a well educated patient. I asked tons of questions, even met clients in the waiting room....almost everytime I went, someone said: Pastor Robin is that you? lol The health risks are high for anyone over weight, but on all the meds too? Way worse. You may never choose something like this or maybe you might but it is NOT the easy way out. It has been by far the hardest thing I have ever done for myself! And this is just the very begining! Sometimes those you think will be supportive are not. They told me horror stories just days before my surgery to "trip me up". Reminding me that I had to do this FOR ME!
Last Mon May 10th was my re-birthday. With an amazing team of nurses, Drs, family & friends for support, I now am the proud owner of a 2010 Lap-Band System. As of today 25 lbs has been shed off my spine just 2 weeks. (a week of liquid prep)I left the hospital off ALL INSULIN, blood pressure meds and most importantly pain/steroid meds for my back. My spine has been pain free. I am able to WALK daily. I am able to rejoice in my heart....feeling my soul awaken , my connection to the Spirit World is deeper than ever. I am clear, and excited about the future. I am getting MY MIRACLE. I am so grateful that soon I will be able to ride horses again, to bike, hike and dance again. I will be able to golf again. I will be able to BREATHE again. I am proud of my personal choice. I am proud of the courage it took for me to finally allow the ME I want to see in the mirror break "free from her cocoon" And I hope, I really hope you support my efforts. I fall down, but I ALWAYS get back up. I heard in a meeting last night if I didn't tell you....some might see the rapid weight loss and think I was sick! So I decided in morning meditation to share my story with you! Spirit has sent me NOTHING but butterflies as signs the whole way! We are one....With Love, ~Robin Wind
The Butterfly Tribe
The Butterfly Tribe
